Hello!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
This was a well-written short story. I liked how you have used descriptions to create the visuals in your story. The narration is very clear and the lack of dialogue is compensated by the narrator's thoughts that we follow throughout the story. There is no complex plot here, but rather it is the description of a short scene from this person's life. Although, I love these kinds of stories, I wish you had included some other element here. Otherwise, there is not enough in this story to hold the reader's attention throughout the text and make them stay with the story.
I lied. I went and spaced it out.
Okay, first, try to keep any kind of information that is not a part of the story, separate either by marking them as the author's note or by making them bold, so it stands out from the rest of the text. Otherwise, it gets really difficult to determine where the story starts. I was really confused by the quoted sentence as I could not understand where it fit within the story. You don't want your readers to feel confused at the very beginning of your story.
After the light snowfall of the past afternoon the world outside was a virgin white.
I loved the description in this paragraph. It really arrests the attention of your readers and immediately builds their expectation from the story. Even when there is no plot or excitement, descriptions are often the saving grace of stories. Besides, you have set the scene very beautifully with just one or two lines. By doing that, you have also engaged the reader's imagination, by making them a part of the scene with your descriptions. I just wish there had been more to follow. After the first paragraph, we mostly move on to the narrator's secret, and there is no longer any space for descriptions like these. Its unfortunate because descriptions work really we in narrative pieces like these and I have a feeling that it would have transformed the text into something even more beautiful.
But eventually I caught it and the hunt was complete.
This was the only piece of action we got in the story and for its build-up, I thought it was a little anti-climatic. For example, we spend so much time on the rabbit, describing it and following it, but then the narrator caught it and the hunt that you had spent three sentences describing was suddenly over in one. It was a little abrupt and unfulfilling and I think if you had stretched that scene into two or more sentences, it would have worked really well with the tension you had been creating until that point.
Overall, this was a good story. It could use a little more details and building to stand on its own, but it was still a good story. Thank you for sharing it with us!
Keep writing and have a great day!
Points: 82352
Reviews: 659
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